ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
