Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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