haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
