You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
