i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
as a side note pls kill me
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
