My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
