Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
