I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I look excited, but its just a facade.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize