if only i could text you this smell
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
