I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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