that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
How's work?
Spinning.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
