out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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