I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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