1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
