Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
