Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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