could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
