I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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