i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
