i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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