well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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