Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
