hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
