I'm so fucking centered right now
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
