I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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