So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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