My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I want her autograph on my taint
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
