i don't like sucking hair
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
