I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
kristin has been a bad kristin
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
