I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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