I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
