I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
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