There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize