It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize