I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
