I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize