Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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