Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
