Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
