I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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