my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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