i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
