I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
