there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Everyone says I win the strip club
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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