Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
