I am puke
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
