took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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