So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Just cropdusted the office
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
