I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
