Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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