he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
