ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
