Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
only if we run a train.
done.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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