Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
