You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
no more duck duck goose at the bar
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
