you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
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