my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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