then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
