You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I will be naked everywhere
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
