Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
