you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
