Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
