She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
