I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
