Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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