i think my tv is drunk
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
