well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
