why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
