What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
