Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
