I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Randomize
