whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize