the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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